On Being a Detached Sports Fan

If you’re a sports fan, you won’t find too many more compelling 24-hour stretches than the one we’re in right now.

We just witnessed a riveting (if physical and somewhat sloppy) Game 7 of the NBA Finals. As I write this, the U.S. is playing a do-or-die match against Slovenia in the opening round of the World Cup. The second round of the U.S. Open is underway. And lest we forget, they played a full slate of baseball last night too.

The reactions to these events — especially last night’s Lakers-Celtics tilt and the current USA-Slovenia match — have been, to put it mildly, emotional.

Unless you’re a Boston hater, you had to feel for Bill Simmons last night. The guy lives and dies with his Boston sports teams, and as his longer-than-Moby Dick oeuvre The Book of Basketball reminded us, his Celtics fandom transcends all else. To have Simmons cover last night’s game via running diary, at Staples Center, was cruel and unusual punishment. Not only did his least favorite team beat his favorite team, the Lakers staged a huge comeback to do it, the Celtics showed virtually no signs of life down the stretch save for a couple of last-minute threes, and 18,000 crazies got to celebrate all around him when the final horn sounded.

His second-to-last post of the night was the dagger:

At least purple and yellow confetti isn’t falling on my keyboard… oh wait, it is.

At least the Lakers-Celtics game was only a heartbreaker if you’re a Celtics fan. As I write this, Team USA is less than a half away from losing to Slovenia, a beautiful, idyllic little nation by the Adriatic that counts foal (that’s baby horse, people) as a delicacy and touts a total population of 2.06 million. The opening-round match with England brought waves and waves of hype, and an opportunity for the U.S. to reenact their 1950 World Cup win against the Brits, a contest many sports historians consider an even bigger upset than 1980′s Miracle On Ice. Losing to Slovenia (SLOVENIA!) would be devastating to futbol fans in this country, be they die-hards or noobs imbued with World Cup fever.

A sample of some of the heartbreak and frustration on Twitter as Slovenia seized an early 2-nil lead:

@FO_BBarnwell: Maybe the US team will come out in Dodge Challengers in the second half and run the Slovenian team over.

@langwhitaker: Being a fan of US Soccer is oddly similar to being an Atlanta Hawks fan.

@runofplay: I guess for revenge I’m just going to have to drive past the city limits of Houston and feel what it’s like to still be in the same country.

@jessespector: Dammit, Slovenia. Pick on someone your own size.

@jppalm: US needs to learn that it’s not enough to just show up to play England. You have to play hard against everyone. They believed the hype.

…and for you Blogs with Balls fans:

@edsbs: “Write the Future” ad with Bob Bradley: nothing happens, and then a crew of ninny-dancing half-Slavs score 2 goals on us in a half.

@TheBigLead: USA Soccer is F’d. That great 2002 run? Ha. 06 was a debacle, & 2010 looks to be much of the same. Columnists will have a field day w/ this

–

Right before the start of last night’s Game 7, I had an IM conversation with my buddy Jon. Jon and I both grew up as die-hard sports fans in Montreal. He supported the Knicks, I took after my dad and rooted for the Celtics. We both went bonkers for the Expos and Habs, of course.

When I was 8 or 9, I was a big fan college hoops fan, and decided I’d cheer for Georgetown. There was no geographic attachment involved or anything. I probably just watched the Hoyas a lot on TV, or lived under the mistaken impression that David Wingate was cool or something. During one big game in that era, the Hoyas blew a late lead and lost to their arch rivals, St. John’s. I distinctly remember throwing a fit. This is what you do when you’re a kid. My dad of course wouldn’t put up with me running around and punching things because of a college basketball game, so he immediately sent me to my room. I spent…maybe an hour crying. Why? As the esteemed Dr. F often says, when you’re young, emotion regulation and frontal lobe control in general can be tough. Combine those handicaps with a wildly irrational love of any and all sports, and you have the makings of a breakdown when things go wrong.

…As I finished typing that last sentence, the U.S. just tied the match at 2-2! Riveting stuff, no matter who you support. But for fans of U.S. soccer, it’s a mind-blowing moment. As the great soccer writer Grant Wahl Tweeted, no team has ever come back from a 2-0 halftime deficit to win a World Cup match.

…And just as I finished typing THAT sentence, a THIRD goal was called off due to a terrible offsides call!

Check out the reactions now.

@edsbs: What’s the legal ruling on death threats over twitter? Specifically, those committed towards Angolan nationals? Just asking.

@AndyHutchins: That call is really, truly, stupendously awful.

@danshanoff: That offsides call was so egregious that it almost makes you wonder if the ref is on the take.

It’s fascinating theater, watching people’s reactions to a big basket, bigger goal or even bigger disallowed goal, when they’re not only completely immersed in the game, but also hold an unshakable rooting interest in one of the teams.

Back to the conversation Jon and I had. We both agreed that regardless of what happened in last night’s game (we both cheered for Boston, though I mostly tried to keep that to myself while writing about the game), as terrifically entertaining as it was, we’d go about our lives the next day and not give it a second thought. Such is the thought process of a 35-year-old who’s learned to reign in his emotions. And moreover, of a sports fan who loves watching the games, but — with the possible exception of Team Canada’s gold medal hockey victory — won’t let the results of any one game hijack his life.

Some of it is certainly age. But most of it has more to do with not having a team that matters that much in my life anymore. The Habs’ playoff run was fun, but I was an admitted bandwagon fan who didn’t follow the team closely during the regular season (my NHL fandom in general has nosedived since crossing the border 13 years ago). It was a fleeting feeling of euphoria, and a few minutes after the Canadiens were eliminated, life returned to normal. With the Expos eradicated, and Canada not much of a threat to do anything exciting more than once every four years — and even then, often a good bet to blow it — there just aren’t any sporting events momentous enough to throw me for a loop.

Ultimately the entire argument boils down to the old quandary, Is It Better To Have Loved And Lost? Should sports offer the possibility of an entire off-season of uninterrupted euphoria? Or months of painful heartbreak?

The eight-year-old in me says yes. Hell yes.

The detached observer who just watched the U.S. soccer team get robbed on one of the most egregious calls in recent World Cup history says no.

The guy in between says…too close to call.

UPDATE: I take back everything I just wrote. Check out my Twitter feed and you’ll see why.